Insomnia

Sleep continues to baffle me.  I can be well rested, not done anything particularly exhausting, and find myself able to go to sleep at 9:00 and sleep right through the night.  On the other hand, I am often needing sleep, exhausted from a long day, doze off at 10 or so only to wake at 2am and toss and turn till 5:30.  Mind you, at 5:30 when I do fall asleep, I am down for the count, making 7:30am and the morning routine utterly miserable-- dragging around getting backpacks and cereal bowls and feeling like I've been hit by a train.  (7:30 and the morning routine-- band name?  maybe for a bunch of 30 something moms who rock?)

So I am left scratching my head somewhat.  I know stress plays a part, as many of my restless hours involve a scrolling list in my head of pressing and not so pressing thoughts.  My insomnia was actually the impetus for the start of this blog... one nights scrolling list completely revolved around my brain believing that I need to blog.  Why?  I have no idea.  Friends suggest that hormones play a role.  I must say that I hate the idea of hormones having a role in anything in my life, but I know that doesn't mean they don't... In a way they are a lot like my insomnia... a part of me that I would like to peel off and drop in a public trash barrel.

I know this:  Laying in bed does not make it pass sooner.  Television does not make it last longer, but does make me feel worse when I pass the hours with it.  (This is odd, i know, but when I choose the tube I feel seedy or something... like I am wasting my time?  I don't know... again... stupid brain).  When I have a spell of insomnia, a part of me longs for my single days when I could just flip on the light and read without leaving my warm bed.  Waking of the husband is a factor I respect but resent.  Playing solitaire on my cell phone is a common choice (doesn't wake the husband- still able to stay in warm bed) but it has a hint of the issues that TV brings.  My new option of moving to the guest room we recently furnished seems to work... there I can read, or write... use my stupid extra time in a meaningful way.  Really though, I'd just like to sleep.  Try as I might, embracing the night just isn't working for me.