Community

This past weekend we were down in Boston for Sarah's going away party.  She hosted a small gathering of close friends, and we spent the afternoon and evening talking and laughing and reminiscing on years of history.  We know one another from youth group conferences with the UU church- weekends and week long gatherings where UU teens from all over the east coast would gather, which proved to be a bond that has held tight as we've all gone from being crazy teens to adults.  We've traded in our teenage angst for a more 'mature' version of the same stuff-- concerns about acne and clothes have transformed into how to stay healthy, and weather or not to dye emerging gray hairs- the more things change...

I am always so happy to get a chance to gather with these old friends.  There is something so comfortable and easy about it, a place where you are the best version of yourself, because being with them makes you remember things about yourself that may have drifted away a bit.  Like finding an old sweater you had forgotten you owned and realizing as you put it on, that it is quite flattering.

One of our conversations this weekend was about community.  One of the crew has recently embraced an athletic club and, in the process, lost 70 pounds and also found a community of people, something that he and his wife and kids had been missing up to that point.  I had mentioned that the kids and I had been going to UU church on Sundays and he laughed as he realized that for them, their fitness group was church.  It struck me, because I was thinking the same thing as he had been describing this transformation in lifestyle-- that it happened because he made the choice to change, but also, because he found a community to support that change.  For me, seeking that community of support is precisely why I began attending UU church.  Honestly, I think that is why most people attend church.  I'm sure there are those who would argue-- or at least suggest that community is a side benefit, and that church is all about God, or Allah, or... fill in the blank as you would like.  Still, I think religion is proof of the human need for community more than proof that any particular god exists.  It is a common thread that seems to tie us all together, and whether your particular group shares an interest in movies or music, crafts or cars, it is a community that fills a common need amongst us all.

I loved the UU community of my youth, and, quite honestly, am beginning to love the new community I've found here in Portsmouth.  I immediately loved it for my sons, who were the biggest motivation behind me joining.  But I am not entirely comfortable speaking about it because of that darn 'CHURCH' word.  I don't love the assumptions that people make when they hear it.  I don't like that they assume it means I have a certain set of beliefs, I don't like that the word alone either makes the person want to get to know me more, or less.  I don't like being stereotyped.  On the other hand, saying I have plans on Sunday morning, and not saying what they are, feels oddly secretive.  I struggle with it because, while Unitarianism is certainly a religion- one with christian traditions no less- for me it is all about the community.  I don't go there to pray, I go to talk, to consider perspectives, to explore opinions, and then to pour myself a cup of coffee and mingle with a whole bunch of people who like to do the same thing.  Meanwhile, my sons have a chance to share in a youth group that, for me, was safe and kind and full of self-expression, exploration, and support at a time when life can be really confusing and hard.

So, there you have it.  I go to church-- but...    It's the price you pay for community, I guess.  Whether your community is the parents on the side-lines at soccer, or your fitness club, by becoming a part of that group you are taking on the stereotypes that come with it.  Maybe even embracing them.  You become a soccer mom, or exercise-crazed.  In my case, someone out there thinks I'm religious.  I guess that's ok, or at least I think having the benefits of community outweigh the nuisance of being typecast.