My heart is a little broken tonight. My 10 year old decided to cut his hair. The reason? He said this kids at school were teasing him and he was tired of being teased. Apparently, according to his classmates, his hair was 'girly'.
He has been sporting an old school skater cut for more than a year, and always loved it. Family and friends have always made a point of complementing him on the cut, and it was one of the first really notable ways that he had begun to carve out his own style- it was his idea and he rocked it. When it was time to trim it, he was always very concerned that I would cut too much off, or 'mess it up'. Any suggestion that I would make about changing it would be met with a flat No. But fifth graders are a tough crowd. I remember that age, and I remember how cruel they could be. I get it-- his reason for cutting his hair, but it still makes me sad. Life too often demands that we conform, that we follow the rules, meet the expectations or pay the price. The fact that he is already learning that lesson makes me want to scream. As we sat together and I slowly snipped away the long strands, I talked to him a little about the teasing. I told him how great he is, and how cool his style is. I told him that he should always keep in mind that it's HIS choice to change something like his hair, that he can always stand his ground and say no if someone is teasing him. That being different is great, even if it's sometimes hard. He listened, and he understood what I was telling him, but still, it all felt so impossibly wrong. How could anyone not see this kid and just love him!? Why does growing up have to be so harsh?
When we finished his haircut and I looked at him, he looked older. (Actually, he looked exactly like my older brother circa 1984 or so.) He's still perfect, and he likes his new 'doo', and he's off to hang out with his Friday night Sparks group (UU youth group), who I'm sure will make him feel great about his new look. Monday at school will be fun for him too as he gets to be the center of attention because of his new look (I know he's thinking about that because he wouldn't let me take a picture, lest word leak out that he's cut his hair... he really wants it to be a surprise!)-- Point being, this hasn't been a traumatic decision for him, just another haircut. And I suppose that's good. Life goes on. I think I might need a glass of wine.
UGH! Drink a glass for me. What I am sure of is that his hair will grow as quickly as his self-confidence! He's such a cool kid!
ReplyDeleteI love his hair either way. The skater doo is definately different/unique; girly? NO! What if they teased him for something he could not change? We love the boy no matter what!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting topic to me... I often think about how strongly we feel about things involving our children when in the grand scheme of things (or to the child) it can be a whole different story. Not saying this is the case in this particular situation but it's like we feel EVERYTHING so strongly when in reality maybe we just need to go with the flow? Or not! Forming groups (and fitting in) is so ingrained in our biology and we want to think our loved ones are immune but resisting all urges to fit in isn't necessarily a good thing either. At the same time I know I'd be just as pissed as you dammit!!
ReplyDeleteExactly, Ariel! So sad for me, but for him, just kinda how it is. It is really HARD being a parent! (Though my hubby points out, not nearly as hard as it is to be a kid!)
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