Perfection

Did you know that Benjamin Franklin aspired to be morally perfect?  It is a true. He pursued 'perfection' for a good part of his adult life.  Ben made a list of 13 virtues and then kept a daily chart of his discretions as they related to each virtue.  I stumbled upon this as I was helping Kelan with his living history project (he's studying the life of Mr. Perfect himself), and I found the list of 13 virtues.  I was surprised by this morsel of insight on Mr. Franklin, simultaneously disturbed and awed.  Not that I thought I knew Ben Franklin before making this discovery, but it definitely changed my understanding of who he was.  I had always considered him to be incredibly intelligent and was impressed by the gifts he gave to society, but I had never considered his persistence, his plodding, in achieving his successes.  I had always thought of his greatness as somehow just happening-- As it turns out, he was type 'A', go get it and make it happen, to an extreme degree!  How about that!
                    
*     *    *    *    *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *       
On a completely different topic, I recently had the opportunity to spend some time with a dear friend who has been going through a hard couple years.  Getting to spend some solid time allowed us to both let down our guard and enjoy each other.  Time to talk and also to laugh, to be quiet together and also to fill the air with our thoughts and share advice.  I really wish I had those opportunities more often, but, I feel grateful for this one.

We covered a lot.  Shoveled a fair amount of emotional manure and carted it away.  To use a farm term, we mucked out the barn.  One of the things we talked about was depression, and how, when you emerge from it's cloud you realize how many things you had given up while you were wallowing and sad.  For some reason, being bummed out sucks the life out of you!  Yes, that might be a no-brainer, and not so shocking, but really, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why so many of us (myself included) give up on some of our favorite activities and pastimes when we feel sad.  Shouldn't that be the time we most embrace those things that keep us happy?  Why do we forgo a long walk, or a trip to the ocean, stop our projects, neglect the garden, [enter your hobby of choice here] when the funk comes our way?  What is it in our brain that is so powerful it can beat down what we know is our best medicine?  Why does lethargy, drinking, bad food, and bad sleep habits seem to win out?

Acknowledging this truth, though it wasn't entirely news, was good for me. Somehow, I hadn't before so clearly recognized that the blahs beget the blahs. My friend and I shared an Aha! moment that I think will serve me well as time goes on.  Sometimes you have to know better than what your body wants.  It isn't always the best idea to indulge in the urge to spend a spare hour watching TV, really finding that list of 'happy places' and sticking to it as often as possible, might just keep you happier!

Getting into the habit of choosing positive ways to use my time feels so much like the struggle of trying to build a habit of regular exercise.  You wake in the morning, knowing you have told yourself that you are going to the gym, and the battle begins.  It is so easy to find an excuse not to go.  You didn't sleep well, you feel sore, you need new sneakers, the house needs cleaning... ugh.  But when you go, you are so glad that you did.  If you need proof of this, just check facebook on any day of the week-- someone will be sharing that they dragged themselves out on their bike, or schlepped in to yoga... and boy are they glad they did.  (Then, 6 or so friends will click the like button, because either they went too, or wish they had)

The same pattern emerges in relationships over and over...  I can't think of how many times I've talked with girlfriends about tension in relationships over how often they 'get it on'.  It's not like sex is torture, quite the opposite in fact, but somehow it becomes a chore... we play a trick on ourselves and end up choosing resentment and tension over... pleasure?  What??  Why are we more often too tired for sex than we are for, say, American Idol-- which one is really better for us?

Which brings me back to Ben Franklin.  Could he have been on to something?  I'm not suggesting that we should all seek perfection, or even that his list of virtues are the answer to all of our problems... quite honestly, some of them are plain wacky in my opinion.  Still, I don't think it is such a bad idea to try to be a little more overt in my attempts to do right for myself.  Spending some time reflecting on how each day plays out might actually help.  I'm gonna try it, not with a chart or a daily score, but I'm going to try to watch the choices I make a little more closely.  I'll let you know how it goes.

OH, also, cause I know if I don't share it, you'll go google it anyway, here are Ben's Virtues:

 "I was surpris'd to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined; 

but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish." Ben Franklin

These names of virtues, with their precepts, were:

1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.