Strong Ears

Sermon for the #White Supremacy Teach-In at South Church, Portsmouth, NH

April 30, 2017

In Laura Esquivel’s novel Like Water For Chocolate, she writes:

“Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us, but we can't strike them all by ourselves; we need oxygen and a candle to help. [when a match is lit..]For a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul.”

When I received my undergraduate degree from college, my family came out to New Mexico to celebrate. They travelled 2,000 miles, and along with friends, formed a small band in the bleachers.

There were thousands of us graduating—a huge gymnasium of caps, yet when my name was called into the room, my people cheered so loudly that the person reading paused.

I was mortified, but also, I felt deeply loved.

We need our people. We need to feel cheered and loved.

It is human to surround ourselves with people who hold us up, encourage us, and are ready to catch us if we fall.

And

It can be problematic if we surround ourselves with voices who affirm, but don’t necessarily challenge us to grow. Voices that say, “You are right- like me- we are right. Let’s take on those guys, they are wrong.”

Sometimes we need help to see other perspectives, we need encouragement toward compromise. Our loved ones can help us to look at ourselves in the mirror and see what we can do better.

We are our best selves when we have people who support us, and also push us forward, because change often comes from relationship. You’ve experienced this certainly. People- with whom we feel a connection- share an idea and it sways us. Little moments where we awaken to someone else, where we say “wow, I never thought about that before”.

Sometimes this feels good. Sometimes not so much. There are even times when we feel shame at our own ignorance- and shame is a dangerous thing, but less so, when we know that there is love and support around us. I am grateful for Unitarian Universalism because this faith offers us both. We are here to love each other, together we are able to work toward change in the larger world, and, our relationship with one another also allows us to hold a mirror up for each other sometimes.

Unitarian Universalists have ‘earned some stripes’ when it comes to social justice work, and there is a lot of pride in that history. I suspect that even many of our newest members or visitors, have heard about how much Unitarian Universalists value and embrace justice as being integral to our faith. We have a history of showing up and speaking out, and it is one of the reasons many of us have chosen to hitch our wagons to this star.

We UU’s have also made mistakes, and have missed opportunities to lead in the face of injustice; missed opportunities to affect change within our faith community, and beyond. In the late 1960s, for example, two groups were formed within national UU leadership which were intended to foster black empowerment and promote integration, but after UU’s initially committed to fund these groups, both ultimately lost funding and support within our UU community. It is a complex story and there has been a lot written on the Black Empowerment Controversy of the late 60s, but one of the long-term consequences was the loss of a significant number of UUs of color, particularly Black UUs, from our congregations. The scars of that moment are still carried by many who remain.

In reflecting on that time Mark Morrison Reed writes:

“I have come to believe that the only way to move forward is to look upon what transpired as a tragedy. What do I mean? These were all honorable people responding to cultural circumstances not of their making while in the grip of emotional forces beyond their control. These circumstances compelled them to choose between dearly held values, and they brought to their decision making their humanness: lofty hopes and moral certitude, grim earnestness and inflamed passions, some self-delusion, lots of defensiveness, and as tragedy requires, hubris. Conceived of as tragedy, this drama does make sense.”

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I don’t know how many of you have been following recent events in our national Unitarian Universalist Association, but I share that piece of our history because it relates to things unfolding today.

The UUA (which to oversimplify, is our national office) made a hiring decision early last month which was publicly contested as an example of how we, UU’s, perpetuate white supremacist culture, in part, by maintaining nearly exclusively white leadership in the top positions within our organization. As you might imagine, there was an immediate flurry of responses and reactions. Shortly after the initial letter of dissent was published, Peter Morales, the UUA president, reacted to the public challenge in a way that felt, for many, to be both dismissive and defensive. In this era of high speed news, the result of these events created all kinds of waves in the UU community. One unexpected consequence was President Morales submitting his resignation 3 months prior to the end of his term; several other leaders followed suit.

Much of the reaction and continued discussion that has stemmed from these events relates to the initial use of the term white supremacy culture. It is certainly a provocative choice of words, and arguably unfair because for many people, that term refers to the most atrocious and hateful examples of racism.

As reverend Don Southworth expressed in one reaction:
“Most congregational members... have not sat in multi-day classes and read books and essays on the changing definition of white supremacy over the years as many of our clergy and UUA board members have done.”

While the term was intended to reference the much more subtle, systemic set of norms and standards that exist in the world we all navigate. For many, white supremacy evokes the Ku Klux Klan, swastikas, and violence against black bodies. The use of the term makes defensiveness- in a community of people who have committed to fight for human liberation- almost unavoidable. There is a significant number of people within our UU family, who believe the provocative nature of the term makes it unnecessarily difficult to move past it and have a real conversation about the intent behind it’s use.

This might be true. And. “These are all honorable people”---

It is not a coincidence that all of this is happening within our UU community right now. It is a time when our planet is groaning. A time where many nations are experiencing an upswing in dangerous nationalism, polarized opinions, and in-fighting. Where too many governments are making decisions that benefit only the very rich, and are using their power to instill fear and division amongst their citizens. Moments like these are terrifying. I see that fear being expressed by my family and friends, by many of you who are here with me this morning, and, yes, in so many ways in the media that we consume.

I also see, clearly, that the degree to which we feel afraid right now is directly related to the body into which we were born. Some of us in this room, are experiencing fear about our overall safety in the US for the first time ever, while others have been navigating this fear for most of their lives, and are now just feeling it heighten. This discrepancy in how a person experiences life in our country depending on their race- as well as their gender, sexual orientation, economic status and so on, relates to the white supremacy culture that is being held up for examination. Whether or not we feel comfortable with the use of the term, we can certainly reflect on why it was used.

Within our Unitarian Universalist community, I can understand how marginalized people, would feel an increased need to demand more from those around them who have power and claim to be allies in fighting for a more just world. I can understand it, because I feel it in myself as a woman in response to the current tone and policies playing out related to women in our country and the world. There is a correlation between feeling increased threat and needing to be sure we are surrounded by people who ‘have our backs’. It is helpful for me to recognize that even with my own life, I can reflect on times when I needed to test the fortitude of people who claimed to be on my team. This is a human need, to trust others and feel confident in that trust, and as insecurities build in our lives, testing the strength of our bonds to others is all the more important.

As is true with many things, the specifics of this moment are far less important than the universal truth from which it has come. We need one another. Whether we are speaking about our family or friends, our neighborhood, or our town, or our country.. we are at our best when we are working together and doing our best to hold each other up. If we are climbing a mountain and someone behind us reaches out for us to give them a hand, that is not the moment to evaluate the wording of their request. First, we help them up.

Amongst my Religious education colleagues, there has been strong agreement that we can use this moment as an opportunity for collaborative, intentional growth in our faith community. We are being called to look in the mirror. This is an opportunity to say we will not walk away from that call simply because we are not comfortable with the wording of the request. And so, in every single state across our country, over the next two Sundays, there are UU congregations like ours who are exploring the culture of white supremacy in which we live; more than 600 individual churches and fellowships have committed to what has been named a “White Supremacy Teach-In”. Imagine the possible impact of this choice. Easily more than 60,000 people, in the span of a few hours, engaging in an opportunity to transform their understanding of an often invisible reality in which we ALL live.

French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, wrote:

“We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him.”

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You may recall that back in January, Reverend Chris and I travelled to Nicaragua with 8 other adults from our congregation, to witness the work of FEM, a non-profit organization working to empower disenfranchised rural Nicaraguan women. As we began to learn about the work they were doing, I was blown away by their comprehensive and effective organizational model. They were deeply grounded in a clear mission and vision, and seemed to consider the complexities of their challenge with deep intention. They knew, for example that in addition to helping women secure education, they also had to find ways for them to then find employment within the communities where they lived when they returned with their degrees. 

Their work would impress anyone, and yet, as I returned to the states, and reflected further on my experience in Nicaragua, I realized that there was something more at play in my reaction to what I witnessed during the trip. I realized that there was a part of me that did not expect to see such intelligent and effective activism. There was a part of me that, deep down, away from my own consciousness, believed that kind of efficacy was unique to my own country. That it was something out of reach for ‘developing nations’, or even, struggling communities. I actually asked at one point, if the leader of this organization spent a lot of time reading about feminism, neoliberalism, and so forth-- because in my mind I had assumed the opposite, but why? Of course, the head of a non-profit organization that has, for decades, been working to dismantle a destructive oppressive system would be reading and learning at every opportunity. Why would I feel surprised that she was so smart?

This was a very unsettling realization for me. It is embarrassing to see bias in yourself. It is completely uncomfortable and makes me feel less like ‘one of the good people’. In the context of our church, it makes me feel like I’m failing at being a Unitarian Universalist.

The opposite is true, actually. It’s all part of growth- finding the ugly, or destructive, or limiting pieces of our subconscious, helps us bring them into the light and grow to a new, better place. Sharing them with all of you makes me feel exposed, but it also allows each of you to relate to the discomfort- something that might not happen if I kept my mistakes to myself. Furthermore, it gives me compassion for others when I see them stumble over similar mistakes.

This is part of why, I think, the term white supremacy was held up in reaction to last month’s hiring decision. The culture of white supremacy is ugly and it is insidious, and is nearly invisible to us. It does not start to get pulled apart until we are willing to examine the moments we catch a glimpse of it. In order to do that, we have to be willing to feel uncomfortable, and maybe embarrassed. We have to learn to recognize when we feel defensive, and to intentionally choose not to step away, not to start talking, but to engage our strong ears. To listen and learn.

Tema Okun writes: “Culture is powerful precisely because it is so present and at the same time so very difficult to name or identify. [Characteristics of white supremacy culture] are damaging because they are used as norms and standards without being proactively named or chosen by the group. They are damaging because they promote white supremacy thinking. Because we all live in a white supremacy culture, these characteristics show up in the attitudes and behaviors of all of us – people of color and white people...”

I cannot, with any degree of thoroughness, explain in a few hundred words, the subtle workings of this white supremacy culture we’re examining.

Ironically, it has woven itself throughout my attempts to write this sermon. I’ve worked for hours and hours on it, and I share that, not to brag, but because this need for perfection is a part of our culture. I am afraid that if I don’t get it just right, then it will be all wrong.

My tendency toward academic writing- it is part of this culture

My consciousness of who holds power in our community

My fear of conflict, and my awareness of your fear of conflict.

My belief that I can be objective.

and on and on...

There has been progress in some ways when it comes to these truths I’m holding up for you. AND. The roots of white supremacy are very deep.

I have rarely seen complicated events resolve themselves in a positive way without intentional, careful, and considered response by those involved. I often see conflict erupt, and watch as the opportunities to grow through them are forfeited. For multitudes of reasons, people don’t always rise to the occasion. Or, sometimes, we begin to rise and then lose momentum, and stall out.

I don’t know that we will see an end to this particular struggle in my lifetime, but I am committed to trying. Finding the words to share with all of you today required me to do a lot of reflection. I tried to think of each of you, and of the many experiences you all carry, and as is often the case, I found myself feeling grateful for all of you. We are on this walk together, and it is long and sometimes hard, but we are truly in good company.

Amen.